"I'm more than happy to initiate sex on a daily basis … it's so freeing to be able to have complete control over my body and what pleasure it's able to experience," she says.įor Chantel, communicating her boundaries and sexual preferences is key to enjoying sex. Sex often meant flashbacks of her abuser's face and oral sex was "out of the question".īut years on, Chantel has two children and a long-term partner. And that just obviously progressed."Ĭhantel experiences complex PTSD and daily migraines from her abuse, and when she started being in an intimate relationship, there were many things she couldn't do. "That game very quickly turned into … he would attempt oral sex on me. "Our brain then has trouble remembering whether the trauma is happening now or whether it happened in the past," Dr Moulds says. If we experience a similar environment to an assault, whether that be what we saw, heard or smelt, it can often trigger incredibly painful memories. "We're wired to remember more fearful experiences than we are those happy times," Dr Moulds says. She says navigating intimacy after the fact is particularly challenging due to how our brains store trauma. Lauren Moulds is a psychologist who deals with many women who've been sexually assaulted. Because that's who I am'." How our brains store trauma "If I let that be a problem, I'll never be enough for anybody, so what I need to do is just be really open about it and say: 'Listen if that's going to be a problem, let's cull it right here.
She also experiences panic attacks if she accidentally uses her right hand to drive her car. Touching a penis still feels impossible for Kelly. "Fortunately for me, he was caring enough to be like, 'That's OK.
"I was like, 'Listen, I need to be really honest, because this could go pear-shaped'," she says. Last year, when Kelly started dating again, she built the courage to tell her sexual partner about her assaults. It can be really small or really big things."Įleven years on from her first assault, Kelly now takes antidepressants for PTSD and depressive symptoms. "Maybe the goal is not crying during sex or maybe being able to complete a sexual act without asking to stop," Dr Freedman says. Setting a goal to work towards can also help. "Women may not be able to discuss the details of the assault, but to at least say to a partner, 'This is something that happened to me' … to be able to say something like 'Sex isn't great right now, but I would like to make it better'," she says.
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